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30 February, the Year of Our Lord 1461
The fates despise me!
To taunt me with Death and snatch it from me, to let me crave it,
want it, ACCEPT it, and then deny me my release.
This account will in all likely-hood never see living eyes, nor
living eyes see it, yet I know this is written for no one's sake, but my own.
Is a man the worst thing he's ever done? Or the best of that which
he desires to be? And in the end who is it that judges these things? One does begin to doubt any final Justice,
or even any peace. My story starts as many do, at the beginning, with the best intent. It goes wrong with the
wiles of a lascivious woman and the lust of men.
I would like to believe that it was her powers alone that brought me
to such nefarious actions, but in truth I suspect my Desires played part.
She came to me in my dreams at first, and then She came to me in the
long, cold, desperate nights. At first I could tell the dreams of my mind from the reality of the world, yet She
tempted me, She taunted me, and promised me, She goaded me with what we both knew I wanted. She was KATRINA and
I was hers.
I cry and might I pray for forgiveness, for the things I did under
her sensual thrall. I did make war on my people, I made war on my father and Kin.
I made war with myself.
And when the people liberated me, I thought myself saved. But none
would hear my story, and why should they? For, I had been as a terrible monster in all ways, and monsters do not
earn the mercy of men.
The people hated me and I hated myself, I wanted Release from my
nightmare ~ I craved it. In a way I did die that night, but I still had no release.
She came to me that night, as so many times she had before. I thought
it the final dream of a man that was soon to die. I lay, a sword through my gut, revelling in the poetic and final
bloody demise, and she made me her own.
Once again, I do hideous things in her name.
And this time ~ I am powerless to stop it. I rail against my new
nature. Yet slowly I feel it consuming my entire being, I pray for a saviour. I fear, though, that none may come.
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